Topic of the Month- September 2007

  Healthy Relationships

IS MY RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY?  Take the "Love Quiz"....

True or False?

1. My partner calls me constantly and wants to know where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. If I’m a few minutes late, (s)he gets very upset.
2. I feel respected by my partner. My partner values what I have to say, respects my beliefs, values, goals, and dreams.
3. When my partner and I disagree, we talk it through, trying to understand the other’s point of view. I feel understood when I talk.
4. I am often the brunt of my partner’s jokes.
5. My partner loves me so much, that (s)he wants to spend all our time together.  Hanging out with other friends takes away from our relationship.
6. My partner and I talk openly about our sexual relationship including our desires, our fears, our sexual history, whether or not we want to be sexual active and if so at what pace and level.
7. My partner and I met last week at a party and we are in love!!!  I think we’ll be together forever!
8. My partner and I trust each other to be honest in our words and actions, even when it is hard.
9. I often get blamed for making my partner upset or angry, but (s)he also blames other people when things go wrong. That's just who they are.
10. Sometimes my partner will hold me down or hold my arms so that I will listen to him/her during an argument.
11. My partner’s emotions feel stable and comfortable to me.  I’m not afraid of my partner’s mood switching suddenly.
12. My partner tells me I need to grow up, that I am still “tied to the apron strings” of my family.
    

Numbers 2, 3, 6, 8, 11 are indicative of a healthy relationship.

Numbers 1, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12 are indicative of an unhealthy relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT ON :

• Trust- trusting a partner to be be honest, even when it is hard.
• Respect- respecting a partner's right to her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and options.
• Positive, open Communication and Understanding-  A healthy relationship will be able to talk about issues that are sometimes embarrassing, such as sex, to avoid miscommunication and hurt later.  Remember, consent to sex is not the absence of the word "no", but the verbal communication of "yes".  Without a "yes" assume it is a "no".
• Building each other up, not tearing down - name calling, mind games, humiliation, guilt, and blame can all be forms of emotional abuse.
• Independence not Isolation- Partners in healthy relationships don't control the other person (what they do, who they see or talk to, what they read, or where they go).  A healthy relationship does not isolate the other person from friends, family, or other support systems in their lives.
• Time - Healthy relationships take time to grow, develop and build the trust and respect needed.  The use of alcohol decreases inhibitions which can lead to a rushed and often unhealthy relationship.  Healthy relationships are based on friendship, not sex.
• Equality- not power and control leads to a healthy relationship.  Power and control in a relationship can lead to unrealistic anger, intimidation, and abuse.

If you, your friend or family member are in an

abusive relationship there is help available.

Contact:

Kimberly Harvey-Livingston, MS, LPC

Wellness and Prevention Education Services

903-566-7067; UHC142

Student Counseling Center

903-566-7254; UC282

The East Texas Crisis Center

1-800-333-0358  (24-hour emergency hotline)

http://www.etcc.org

Texas Council on Family Violence

http://www.tcfv.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

http://www.ndvh.org