Popular Searches

Module 2

The Power of Child-Centered Time

In Module 1, you learned to become a detective of behavior using the ABC chart. Now we will shift from understanding challenging behaviors to actively building positive ones. This module is focused on strengthening your relationship with your child through a method called Child-Centered Time.

Think of Child-Centered Time like a bee visiting a favorite flower. This one-on-one time does not mean just playing, but more so it is the foundation of the relationship. Through this method you will build your child’s self-esteem, improve connection, and create positive feelings that you can both pull from during more difficult moments.

What is Child-Centered Time?

Child-Centered Time, or special play time. is a 5-minute play session between one parent and one child that occurs daily. During this time, you follow a specific set of rules designed to put your child in the lead and give them your undivided attention. This is a time to be distraction free and live in the present moment. Preventing distractions can mean silencing technological devices and keeping them out of sight. The basis of Child-Centered Time surrounds:

  • Predictability: It happens around the same time each day. This creates a sense of security and something for your child to look forward to.
  • Focus: Eliminating distractions allows you to only focus on your child and nothing else.
  • Positivity: The goal of this time is to enjoy each other’s company. You are not teaching or criticizing them but simply appreciating your child.

Why is Child Centered Time Helpful?

You might wonder how such a short period of interaction can make a real difference. The power of Child Centered Time is in the shift it creates in the parent and child dynamic. Many of the challenging behaviors come from a child’s need for attention, connection, and a sense of control. This investment in time builds a foundation of mutual respect and stegthen the relationship you have with your child. Reasearch and practice show that this type of structured interaction helps:

  • Increase Self-Esteem: Letting your child lead can show that you approve of them. This in turn makes them feel capable, important, and confident in their own abilities.
  • Reduce Attention Seeking Behaviors: A steady dose of positive attention can often lead to children reducing attention seeking through negative means.
  • Make Discipline More Effective: A strong positive relationship allows a child to be more responsive to limits when you set them.

The Guidelines

  • Pick a time: Find a time that you can dedicate 5-15 minutes to special playtime. Try to select times when you will not be rushed and when you can focus on your child.
  • Pick a place: Special playtime can happen anywhere but make sure that your focus is entirely on your child. It may help to play away from other children, television, and other distractions.
  • Pick an activity: Let your child choose interactive activities and toys that you can do together. Some ideas include building blocks, magnetic tiles, toys animals, toy food, drawing and coloring, crafts, trains, toy cars, games, and play dough.

The SUN Skills: What to Do

During your 5 minute special time, your job is to act like a sports commentator. This means you describe and praise your child’s positive behaviors.  The acronym SUN is used to remember the skills.

  • (S)ay Good Things You Like.  This tells your child exactly what you like and makes them want to do it more. Especially letting them know you are having a good time with them. Letting your child know you are having fun is the most powerful reinforcer of all!
    • Example: “Thank you for sharing that toy with me!”
    • Example: “I am having so much fun playing with you!”

  • (U)se Their Words.  This expresses that you are listening and value what your child has to say. It keeps the conversation going without asking questions. By imitating, you show approval of your child’s play choices. It makes them feel important and can teach cooperative play.
    • Example: You and your child are playing with blocks.
      • Child: “I stacked my blocks high”
      • Parent: “You stacked those blocks really high!”
    • Example: If your child is connecting Legos together, you also connect Legos together and say, “I’m going to put the Legos together just like you”.

  • (N)ame What You See. This shows you are interested and helps your child stay focused on the task. A fun plus is that this skill can teach vocabulary.
    • Example: “You’re feeding the baby doll a bottle”

What NOT to Do

To keep the play positive and child-led, there are three things to avoid. Questions, commands, and criticism can accidentally shift the dynamic from child-led to parent directed. They can turn a pressure free session into a test for your child. By actively avoiding these common conversational habits, you protect this special playtime and ensure your attention remains purely positive.

  • Avoid Distractions: Give your child your full attention during special time! Make arrangements for other children to be entertained and pause chores and work. Turn all screens off and put phones away to minimize distractions.
  • Avoid Questions: Questions can feel like tests and put you in a position to steer the conversation. Asking questions can put your child on the spot whereas describing can be much more collaborative.

Question: “What color is that?”
VS
Describe: “You are grabbing the red ball”
  • Avoid Commands: By nature, commands take the lead away from the child. This is their time to be the boss of their playtime.  By using commands, you are directing the play. Again, taking the more collaborative approach of describing can help make sure that your child feels like they are leading.

Command: “Put the car on the track.”
VS
Describe: “You are deciding what to do with the car.”
  • Avoid Criticism: This is a time without pressure or judgment time. There is not a wrong way to play during this time. Correcting or labeling actions critically can take the focus away from your child's leadership and instill doubt. This includes sugar coating criticisms.

X Corrections: “That is not how the toy works.” 
X Critical Label: “That is a silly way to that.” 
X  Sugar Coating: “You finally did it the right way.”
☑ Describe: “You are playing with the toy”

 

Handouts:

Special Playtime Tracking Sheet

Sun Skills

Module 2 Action Steps: 

  • Schedule It: Look at your calendar and set a daily reminder for a 5-minute play time for your child.
  • Gather Toys: Let your child pick 3-5 interactive toys and put them in a box to use only during this time.
  • Practice SUN: Focus on using one or two of the skills during the first session and then build upon it.
  • Reflect: After each playtime, take a minute to note what went well. Did your child smile? Did you ask any questions?
  • Self-Compassion: Remember that practicing these skills will not be perfect every time. Give yourself some grace if you found yourself giving commands or critics and try to improve a bit for next time.  

In the next module, the role of emotions in all of this will be explored.