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Module 8

 

Reducing Parenting Stress 

This is the last module in the training. This module focuses on one of the most important tools you have, which is you. Making sure you are at your best is the foundation to make all the skills you have learned so far possible. If you are stressed, it makes using the skills difficult to implement. Additionally, your stress can be contagious to those in your home and create a cycle of reactivity. This module will center on two key areas: how to manage your reactions in frustrating moments and building self-care that helps refill your energy.

The RESET Method: Managing Reactions in the Moment

In a frustrating moment, your ability to respond thoughtfully can change everything. The acronym below can help you remember what to do during critical times like these.

  •  Recognize the Stress
    • What to do: Notice the first physical signs of your stress or emotion. This can look like a tight jaw, hot face, or a bubbling sensation in your chest. Take a moment to name it to yourself such as “My stress is spiking.” or “I am feeling angry.”
    • Why it works: This builds self-awareness and acts as an internal alarm to signal to you that it is time to engage in your coping skills before you react.
  • Exhale Slowly
    • What to do: Before you speak, take a slow deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6 seconds.
    • Why it works: This breathing technique activates the part of the brain responsible for relaxation. It is directly linked to calming the mind and heart. In other words, it is your body’s built in brake system when getting overwhelmed.
  • Set an Intention
    • What to do: Ask yourself what you want the outcome or goal of the moment with your child to be. Perhaps a calm teaching interaction versus winning a power struggle.
    • Why it works: This shifts your brain from an emotion driven state to a problem-solving state. This can help align your actions to your long-term parenting goals.
  • Engage Your Plan
    • What to do: Select one of the parenting tools we have gone over in previous modules depending on the situation.
    • Why it works: This gives you a sense of control and preparedness. You know what to do and you have put yourself in a situation to take hold of your skills.
  • Talk and Teach
    • What to do: Respond to your child using the chosen strategy with calmness.
    • Why it works: Your response will be more effective. You are modeling emotional regulation for your child and de-escalating the situation.

The CARE Method: Building Consistent Self-Care

Self-Care is so important to your wellbeing. As a parent, focusing on yourself can easily fall down your list of priorities. However, it is necessary for effective parenting! Think of it as fueling up to be the best you for your child.

  • Claim Small Windows
    • What to do: Take at least 5-10 minutes during your day for yourself. This can look like having a quiet coffee break, listening to your favorite song, or going on a quick walk.
    • Why it works: Consistent practices of alone time, no matter how small, are more sustainable than taking large chunks of time. Together, the small amounts of you time add up to lower overall stress.
  • Anchor your Essentials
    • What to do: Find 1-2 things that you need for your well-being to be optimal. This can look like getting 8 hours of sleep, a skin care routine, or talking about your day with a loved one. Treat these like appointments that you can’t miss.
    • Why it works: This makes sure that your basic physical and emotional needs are met. It can work to prevent burnout and keep you feeling good!
  • Release Perfection
    • What to do: Lower your standards in one area a bit. Give yourself permission for the house to be messy or to serve a quick meal.
    • Why it works: The pressure of being perfect can take a lot of mental energy. Releasing this allows you to reduce constant self-criticism.
  • Enlist Your Team
    • What to do: Actively ask for support from a loved one or support group. It helps to be specific such as trading babysitting for an hour or asking for a space to vent.
    • Why it works: Sharing the load makes way for relief. It reminds you that you are not completely alone in the challenge of parenting.

Practicing RESET and CARE

Practice these methods one step at a time. For instance, focusing on one letter at a time before you try to integrate them all at once. The goal is actionable practice and giving yourself space to adjust is very important!

Troubleshooting

  • RESET Method: There may be instances where you are still finding yourself upset after trying the RESET method. It is okay to walk away from the situation and not force an interaction that can go sideways. Take some time away and come back when you feel like you are in a better headspace. This can model responsible emotion management.
  • CARE Method: Feeling guilty for taking time for yourself is a common issue that comes up for parents. Try to reframe your thinking towards making the time to be recharged for your child. A plant that does not get water cannot produce a flower.
  • Support: A common problem that pops up for many parents is that the support system may be difficult to find in the traditional sense. It is okay to get creative with how this looks! Maybe it is joining a parenting group online where you post about what is going on or talking with a therapist or local support group. The goal here is connection with others.

Handouts

Self-Care

Module 8 Action Steps: 

  • Practice it: Take it one step at a time. Start with the “R” in RESET. Successfully Recognize the Spike in at least one or two instances this week.
  • Schedule it: Block out 10 minutes to take care of yourself. Claim that time. If it is helpful, put it on your calendar and set reminders for yourself.
  • Reflect: At the end of the week reflect on the changes you have been making. How did recognize stress change your reaction? How did the 10-minute self-care help you recharge?